I write this letter in angry tears…in fact, this lemon top of mine is been scarred with dry wasted tears even as I write this.
Those piercing words you’ve probably heard before, I heard again last night, and its echoes replaying in my tiny little head brought these uncontrollable angry tears.
I write this to hide it in my drawer but I’m hoping it gets to you. Wishing that my tears would embrace yours. Praying that these angry tears would stop flowing, but I can’t control it. So just for today, I’m letting it flow.
The voice of rejection.
The voice of selfishness
That same voice that tells me to my face that I was taken for granted.
Have you experienced this?
Did you feel the way I’m feeling now?
The pain that transitions to anger.
You may have also received that blow of disregard.
You may have also received that punch of abandonment.
You may have also faced that look of wickedness.
You may have also been shocked by the striking reality that you were nothing to them.
You may have also felt used and alone.
It may have saddened you that they couldn’t stand up for you.
You may have also been helpless as a result.
You may have also cried till there was no more tears.
You may have also felt weak like I am feeling now.
How did you move on?
Oh wait! I’m not done…
How could I forget the plea!
The plea for support.
Pleading to dry my biting angry tears.
Begging for a tiny bit of understanding.
Crying for help.
Holding on just to experience a little warmth.
Just waiting for a show of reverence.
Yet nothing. Absolute coldness was what I got. A blow on the face.
Do you understand? Oh, hold on! Don’t tell me you understand.
Just tell me you will never be in the giving end of that punch.
Promise me you would let it be.
Promise me you’ll fight and cry just as I am, and let go.
Promise me that, as hard as moving on sounds, you’d try.
Promise me you would not care about the pain you received and give back only love.
Promise me that this painful and angry tears would not be avenged.
As sad as all this has been, and after reading the scriptures to get me through bad days, I’m reminded yet again, to hold on to the few who has stuck it out with me. And my tears increase. Not angry tears, but warm tears that fill my heart with love.
The ones who have held you down till this day, have you told them how invaluable they are to you?
Your actions everyday should express your love for them. To not take them for granted nor abandon them the way some others did, but to hold on to them.
Dear you, Finally, I’m remembering this angry tears as my will to live and love. Let yours be the same for you.