Growth. I am neither a goal setter nor an over the top planner. So I had nothing to smash in 2020. If I remember vividly, the only thing I wanted to do in 2020 was save more and have fun. Finish. laughs
Sounds funny right? Well, if you can see that as a goal then so be it.
Yet something happened. I woke up to a call that shook my world. And shaped my 2020 into a more daring and rocky one.
“Hi. Whats up?”
“We need to talk. Let’s talk on whatsapp.” He said worriedly. My web developer.
“Oh. Okay.” I became worried. Wondering if everything was alright. We came online and continued chatting.
“What’s wrong?” I asked inquisitively.
“I was doing my rounds. And I decided to just take a quick look at your site. Only for me to realize that your Bandwidth size is full. Thank God I noticed this or else your site would have crashed.” He sighed in relief. Everything he said just sounded strange to me. The thought of loosing my blog frightened me. My blog is my baby. Plus what the hell was bandwidth?
“Wait oh. Which one is bandwidth again?” I asked confusingly.
“Let’s just say its what takes in your blog traffic. The bigger the traffic, the bigger the bandwidth and vice versa”, he answered as I nodded in understanding “As of now, you need to increase your bandwidth size. Your blog has been having massive traffic.” He continued.
“Oh. That’s great.” I was happy. It was great news to me but somewhat weird since I didnt know how and why it happened. I never used to bother about checking my stats. I was happy with just doing what I loved and inspiring others in the process.
“Chika the fact is none of the sites I’ve ever developed have this much traffic. I’m truly proud”. He said warmly.
“Jeez. Are you serious?” At this point it had sank in. It felt so good. I felt at the top of the world, “Thank you so so much.” I said gratefully.
“How do you do it? He asked.
“Hmm…well, I just spend days writing valuable and relatable content. I give it my all.” I answered.
“Well done. Now, let’s get you a bigger size so that your site is safe as your traffic increases. The price differs and…
That conversation changed everything. I kept wondering why someone would take a glace at a silly girls world, and even go as far as reading her writings and following her journey immensely. Small Chika? It was humbling. It confirmed that i was doing something right. Something I enjoyed and loved. Something I gave my all. And if I kept giving I’d keep growing. So My 2020 became a cup of growth water. The more I gave the more I grew.
I didnt know how to keep up. I didnt want to loose so I made effort to grow. And to grow in the most important areas I needed to learn. Areas that benefited me. That I did.
I dished my plan to save more. I threw away everything that was like a standard. Every standard anyone or society had in place for the course of my journey and just focused on my growth. With that came more energy, more No’s, more sleepless night, more investments, more risks, and more selfishness. Yes. I was selfish. And it was needed. I wanted to focus on me and I’m glad I did.
This growth brought moments where I cried. Moments where other peoples view about my creativity hurt me badly. Especially the ones closest to me. Moments where I felt farther away from God. Moments where I was lonely. Damn! I was lonely a lot this year. So much so that I had conversations with my brain. smiles
I found things I didnt think I could do. Risks i didnt think i could take. The way I didnt think I could love. The passion I didnt think was burning in me for life, for people, for purpose, for God. And do you know the biggest irony to this? The more I took care of myself the more I brought others to myself. That is the power of self love. The more I loved myself, the more I loved people because loving myself means treating others with that same amount of love. I became more self aware about my self, body, and desires. I found community. A community of strangers that turned family. They made this growth possible. Calling me on my flaws, giving me the baddest reviews, driving me to tears and making me give more and more while pumping me with love.
I lived the most fulfilling in 2020 behind closed doors. On those silent night scribbling papers, listening to teachings, making mistakes in darkness, counting my losses, and daring to do things I wouldn’t do in normal circumstances. Doing the things my heart wanted.
I love that I’m silly. I love that I play too much, laugh too much, can be often unserious and I’m not going to change nothing about that. I adore me and adore God for making me live so freely. It didn’t happen by chance. It happened by choice. While the world may be changing themselves. I am going to take all of me, and all of you with me as we say goodbye to this year and welcome the next year with the same excitement, longing and subtle uncertainty because no matter what, we would embrace it, with its many chances, its many possibilities, its unending joy and survive. Survive we will. If my journey & my story that you have been a huge part of, doesn’t dare you to do that which seems frightening and unsettling then I believe that at least, it should inspire you to love you even in this moment, to grow without changing yourself and to share your story no matter how dark and daunting, how simple and weak and how shameful and painful it may sound.
I’d be lying if I told you I have goals for 2021. Wrong person guys. laughs I don’t have so don’t ask me. I’m moving with the flow. As long as I keep doing this then I’m good. But be rest assured that I’m a truck load of surprises. A lot of inspiring and sumptuous surprises are going to be coming your way as always.
While others my be counting their achievements I am rejoicing in my growth. Yet, my biggest achievement is YOU. YOU brought this growth. And I love and appreciate you so much.
Cheers to a hugely impactful 2021.
Anything is possible in the coming years. Read more here
A captivating story resides here on one of my favorite blogs