6 reasons why kids, teenagers hide things from their parents; How to bridge the gap in parents-children relationship

Seventeen years old Oma dressed up to go out
“Where are you going to Oma?” Mummy asked.

“I’m going for my computer training class mummy”. She replied.

“Oh! okay. Good. Come back on time”. She instructed and left.

Oma left quickly and went to Iyke’s house for the party. Oma lied. There was no computer training class that day

Six years later. Oma is now twenty three years old. And its about going out.

“Mummy I’m going for my friends bridal shower, so I can’t come back tonight”. She said.

“Hmmm…why can’t it be in the evening?” Mummy asked.

“Because its a bridal shower, it always ends late. Do you want me to enter the road my 12midnight?”. She asked obviously irritated.

“No. Its alright”.

“Oma leaves and meets her girlfriend at he club that night.

Till date Oma still hides things from her parents. To her, there’s no use telling them because for them its evil, even when she was not doing anything wrong.


I can’t recall the zillion times I’ve hidden things from my parents, even now as I’m writing this.

Yet I was watching “13 reasons why” show again, and I wondered why we hide things from our parents. I keep thinking if some mishap would be averted if we learn to tell our parents important stuffs that happen in our lives.

And yet I wonder if telling them may also be a bad idea.

So I decided to throw this question to some of my readers to help me and you understand better why children hide things from their parents.

These answers are quite personal and come from their personal experience as an African Nigerian child, And I know it would help you too.

(Some identities were hidden as instructed)

I hid things from my parents because of three things;
I didn’t want them to lose the trust they had in me.
I didn’t want them to talk to me in a way i might not like.
Because we were not close enough for them to know those things.

Albert Nduh

Things i hid from my parents as a child/teenager/young adult. It was a different perspective for me because I was the only girl amongst a lot of boys. Teenagers growing up faces a lot of things; attention, getting to know your body, opposite sex. So I hid everything opposite sex from my parents. My parents did not do the needful in terms of teaching me sex education. Because my mom wasn’t available to teach me the right thing. Those were the reasons i hid things from my parents. I’m glad i didn’t make mistakes though, because I learned the needful over time.

Anonymous

Well, our parent are both our guardian and friend depending on how your parent makes you feel, my parent were quite subtle and rigid, so I could tell them some things. But also, I’m a very reserved person and I don’t like people all up in my business, so I don’t tell my parent everything, and I believe in learning with your own experience rather than your parents, in Africa, the parent and child relationship is more or fear and respect rather than love and respect, so kids are always scared of what their parent are going to do. It’s good to however be a guardian and a friend so you can correct your kids when the need arise and also let them confined in you as a parent because, a parent will teach from the point of love and experience which the child needs.

Banji

Actually I didn’t hide things from my mum and I feel it’s because I was comfortable with her (she raised me in such a way that I saw her as my friend,best friend even) so I started telling her everything from a very young age.
Now that I’m matured and she’s taught me well, I don’t really need to tell her everything again. I feel I can make my own decisions now.

Sandra

Well….I like many other children hide things from our parents for many reasons ranging behavioural, psychological , environmental and what I would term ‘in-house’ factors.
For me personally, I hide things from my parents because I don’t want them to react in a certain way, and I start regretting why I even told them in the first place. I don’t want then to feel bad. Because they don’t understand and start shouting at you. So sometimes I just let things be. I close my mouth and allow peace reign.

Aida

Personally I felt I wasn’t close enough to my Parents to share my personal stuffs with them, like I didn’t feel secure to tell them everything. Also I was concerned about how my parents were going to react.

Moses Ameachi

From our readers responds and various experiences, you can see some of the reasons why kids hide things from their parents.

Here are some advice on how to foster better connection between parents and children.

  • Basically, we need to re-orientate the Africa parent mentality, I believe in discipline a child, but I also believe in having a strong love relationship with your child.
  • To parents, try to not always be a decision maker for your kids. Allow them make their own decisions and let them get to understand that you’re a friend to them, not just their mother or father.
  • Get to tell them about your adolescent age and some of your errors then; in return it makes them open up to you too about theirs.
  • It shouldn’t be always about shouting and scolding, a little hanging out and gisting about what happened can change your ward’s life.
  • Teenagers should be responsible for their actions, that can make their parents believe and trust them

I hope this has motivated you to be and do better as a child and parent.


Any questions or input? Drop them in the comment.

Don’t leave without sharing this post with your friends.

9 Replies to “6 reasons why kids, teenagers hide things from their parents; How to bridge the gap in parents-children relationship”

  1. Thanks baby for this.(I still wished you inputed all I said..lol)
    This subject is one of the subjects I intend to push further in the near future cos’ indeed we need an all round and new orientation with regards to parenting especially here in Africa, Nigeria precisely.
    Thanks a lot dear.

    1. *laughs* I have a responsibility to respect our readers time. I’m sure we will do more in the future. I’ll be here whenever you’re ready. Thank you for your input as always. Love xoxo

  2. Well I think the parents needs to step up their game. The world is evolving by the day and parents are no longer just Lords over their children, I think they can be friends too. I think when you’re friends with ur kids they could open up to you about anything. So let the parents upgrade, and for the potential parents let’s have this in mind.

    1. Well said Bright. We don’t need lords as parents anymore, what we need is a Friend as a parent. The problem is like my friend Aida told me one time “our parents don’t know how to love”. I hope we will do better. Think you Bright

      1. If anything, I like the top about letting your children make their mistakes. This is one point my mother utilizes always, maybe that’s why we are so close. I end up fluffing and she will be like, if i had told you what to do, you wouldn’t listen so, it’s good you learned 😅😅🙄.

        I can say I have a good relationship with mom, something very rare. Thanks for your helpful tips sis, I took notes for future purposes.

        1. My mom does that to me too. Plus I’m so glad you have such a bond with your mom. Its really a rare gift. I’m not sure that can happen with my mom. We may not be very close but we have an understanding with each other. That’s enough. I pray and hope we become better parents. Thank you for stopping by Ruth. Love and hugs ❤ xoxo

  3. From my experience, having your parents scolding and overprotecting me was a great advantage to me, though I felt it’s hatred then, you couldn’t express yourself, you keep hiding things you suppose not to(but it helps, it makes you mindful & conscious of ur act) … And then, when she saw that have come to the age.
    You as an individual will feel it and know that it’s high time u express yourself ( na she go dey beg for gist).
    She will be open to you…
    She later told us why she acted that way, and I can say em proud that she did what she did, so we could all be a better person.
    As a teenager we felt it’s hatred, misunderstanding and maybe overprotection but the elders reads our mind and understands our motion.
    Personally Hiding things From our parents shows respect but then they’d come a time when you will be so open to then and in return she/he will be willing to listen,and advise if need be.

  4. From my experience, having your parents scold and overprotecting me was a great advantage to me, though I felt it was hatred then, you couldn’t express yourself, you keep hiding things you suppose not to(but it helps, it makes you mindful & conscious of ur act) … And then, when she saw that we have come of age. (change took place)
    You as an individual will feel it and know that it’s high time u express yourself ( na she go dey beg for gist).
    She will be open to you…
    She later told us why she acted that way, and I can say em proud that she did what she did, so we could all be a better person.
    As a teenager we felt it’s hatred, misunderstanding and maybe overprotection but the elders reads our mind and understand our motions.
    Personally Hiding things From our parents shows respect but then they’d come a time when you will be so open to then and in return she/he will be willing to listen,and advise if need be.

    1. Wow!! I’m glad for you. I totally agree that at the scolding and shouting felt like hatred to me at that age *haha* Its good that you bridged the gap earlier on. Thank you for your input. Love xoxo

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