Self destructive behavior is the act of hurting yourself. Applying pain, hurt and suffering to yourself is a self destructive behavior. Self destructiveness is the…
In this past couple of months, i have been acquiring knowledge and insights i thought were beyond my reach. Learning things that were never in my niche or so i thought. Doing things i never in my wildest dream thought i would do. Practicing every detail of interest and pushing myself to see if i could go beyond my comfort zone. But was that enough?
To tell you the truth, its been an overwhelming ride, to the point i felt i had been wasting my life. It was so massive that i thought my brain would explode (laughs). When to others this experience may seen normal.
It got to the point i had to stop and ask my self what i had been doing all this while and what i actually wanted for my life. *Ever been in this position?
Later, i was looking for a new jotter to write on when i found a very old journal of mine and decided to take a sneak peek, but i ended up taking more than a sneak peek. I got hooked.
I saw written visions beyond the physical
Dreams beyond my imagination
Plans i laid out for the future
Ideas that were workable
Research’s and many more
I was perplexed. I couldn’t move for minutes. I kept reading and reading till finally i asked myself “Who wrote this?” knowing the answer i fell and cried, uncontrollable tears that came from my shortcomings.
I could see it was my handwriting but it was like a whole different person had written it. I was just blown away.
How was that person different from me?
__That person dared to challenge herself and not be limited
__That person saw possibilities only
The same question popped up again. “Chika what do you want? Was what i wanted everything i wrote down on this journal years ago or has it changed?” I had no answer to this question because i truly did not know what i wanted. I got confused, and battered, i felt awful and dreadful about everything; my career, relationship and future.
A grown ass woman didn’t know what she wanted in life?__How does that sound?
I sat down and after some thought, i decided to reinvent myself. To discover, find and create that which was already in me, that which i need to run with in this life’s journey. And somehow i knew i had the ability to do so.
I took two days off from everything. Two days to my self. On the first day i strolled, walked, looked into the moon like i always love to do and began searching for answers. All i needed was the holy spirit to help me. With nature all around me on that cool dark night, the holy spirit helped and gave me a way out.
To find out what i wanted i had to answer a question. How do i figure out what i want?
I figured it out by answering this five questions;
1. What matters to me the most?
2. What have i prioritized highly in the last couple of years?
3. What things do i love and cant stay/do without?
4. What pattern of life principles have been reoccurring?
5. What gives me fulfillment and satisfaction?
I began the task of answering this question. And on day two, i completed all the answers and i found it. Answering these question gave me the
answer i so desperate needed.
If you’re confused just as i was, or you feel like you’ve been running around circles with nothing to run with, or you feel like you’re stuck with no motivation and no zeal. Then take a break, ask yourself the same questions and begin the task of answering them because what matters to you, what you love and cant stay without, what you’ve given the highest priority, what pattern of principles have been reoccurring in your life; are what would give you the utmost fulfillment and satisfaction. And what gives you the greatest satisfaction and fulfillment is what you want. That is what would motivate you to push harder, to run faster and to grow bigger.
Don’t beat yourself up. Neither blame yourself nor become negative and feel guilty because it would only make matters worse.
I’ve realized that when things like this happen ; when we feel like we are no longer living life to our full capacity like we once lived, it means that life happened. We grew, times changed, situations happened in between and that’s very okay. The fact that we are still here, means that we survived, we came out on top, we can still dream and we still have a chance to do what we want.
We can still live.
Drop a comment if this post has been of great help to you