Self destructive behavior is the act of hurting yourself. Applying pain, hurt and suffering to yourself is a self destructive behavior. Self destructiveness is the…
Hey guys its the weekend and this week have been an amazing week for me because I’m fully recovered and I’ve been learning something new and i cant keep quiet about it. I want to scream at the universe. I feel like sharing my lessons with everyone i come in contact with. I want to tell them “Hey, I’m learning this. How cool is that?” Or “Hey, look at this. It’s a little snippet of what I’m learning”. I want to share my good news with everyone and anyone because sometimes i can’t hold all the excitement but when it comes to my sad news or a terrible event, i want to keep it all to myself.
Why do we like talking about our good, joys and success, and keep quiet about the bad, pain and sorrows. We spread our achievements like wildfire and keep the loss closed up in an air tight box.
Few days ago i stood with some really cool guys and we kept talking into the night. We spoke of important stuffs from business to sports to relationships to personality issues, we were on that when i made a comment.
“I still think reading just books is not going to help at all. He is only focusing on the intellectual and how much knowledge he wants to acquire. But what of his social life? I said
“Yes. Chika i agree. People like that know every word on paper but lack a proper social standing. They are like a moving machine”. My friend replied fiercely.
“Yeah. That’s why i always say therapy is good. He should seek help”. I added.
They all looked at me and laughed out loud as if i had said something absurd.
“Therapy?” They asked starring at me.
“Yes therapy. Do you know how many people carry a lot of baggage they can’t get rid of? Some people are like a walking snail on the move. And they forget that talking to someone helps”. I explained.
“I get it Chika. But do you know how expensive therapy is in Nigeria?”, he shook his head. “And nobody wants to share their problems with anybody or talk to anyone about anything because that person might just use that information against you”. He added regretfully.
“I understand you but…”
This is where i come in guys.
According to my friends, only few people really value therapy here in Nigeria. Which shouldn’t be the case.
Therapy is there to help you cross those bridges you cant really do on your own. Therapy is really about inner healing, relieving you of some unbearable pain and situations, focusing on the things that are holding you back and helping you find the silver lining. Therapy is talking to someone who would listen non judgementally and help you find the closure you so desperately need.
Contrary to my friends concerns about not wanting to share their problems for fear of betrayal; not speaking out is much worse and poses a bigger problem than any amount of betrayal. Betrayal would hurt at that moment but the fact is healing would come. But staying mute about problems that are slowing eating you up may eventually lead to depression, frustration and self destruction thereby putting your life and future in jeopardy.
So choose wisely.
When i think of my loss and grief, i tell myself i wished i had talked to someone about what i was feeling. I wished i sought out a listening ear then maybe i wouldn’t have become so hard, so blunt, so unrelenting so careless and so hopeless. Maybe my healing would have come sooner than later.
I agree that therapy is expensive in Nigeria but a good price is enough sacrifice for the help you need. And even if you still cant afford it just talk to someone. Someone less personally related and more professionally related. Just speak up.
I for one haven’t had a single therapy session in my life but i know how important it is and the necessity of not being silent when one obviously need help, so i talk to my mentor.
One of the most important professional partnership one can have is that of a mentor/mentee. A mentor is a teacher or a special advisor. In the past mentoring has always been very professional in the context of your career but its not so professional these days. These days a mentor can help you with all areas of your life, not just your career. Mentors can coach, support, advice, hold your hand, listen and offer assistance when needed. I have a mentor who i call my “Therapy Mentor”.
Favour my therapy mentor has been everything from a therapist to a mentor. She gives me spiritual, emotional and professional counsel. She helps me create a balance between work and family. She is open to my fears, doubts and confusions. When I’m at a crossroad she is the only person who would listen to me without judgment and find a door for me to walk through. She doesn’t interfere in my life and neither do i. We’ve built a solid relationship of trust, love and respect that now, we focus more on my professional growth and focus on personal growth when need be. Having her in my life has been the utmost blessing.
Everything Favour is and does is truly what a mentor should be and should do.
Seeking help when needed would produce healthy citizens and in turn produce a healthy nation.
You know what your goals are and you know how deep you’ve drowned in that situation, so it is up to you to determine which type of mentor or therapist will help you the most at your current stage.
My greatest wish is that people will be more comfortable asking for help when they need it – because it takes great courage and vulnerability to realize and admit that you cant get where you want to go to in your life or career on your own.
NB – Talk to a therapist or a mentor and if you cant talk to any of this two then talk to God. God is still the greatest Therapist and Mentor.
I’m glad you read through this post. Please share your thoughts with me on the comment session. You can send me a mail if you want to maintain privacy.