Self destructive behavior is the act of hurting yourself. Applying pain, hurt and suffering to yourself is a self destructive behavior. Self destructiveness is the…
A month ago i shared the loss my dad and how we dealt with everything that came after wards. There was something else i didn’t share, another part of that story i didn’t pen down, another memory i didn’t want to remember. The memory of loss, of loosing every shred of hope and joy. The reason why the grief was so massive that i lost my faith, my confidence and almost loosing my mind.
The hard truth is that it was because i not only lost my dad but lost three other member of my family within that year. Four deaths including my dad.
Grandpa(mummy’s dad) died five months before Dad’s illness and i guess old age even though he wasn’t that old. Then Dad left us which was so painful, as if that was not enough Dad’s best friend and brother died too, four months after dad’s passing. He was the only person who was always like a dad to us, who we knew would always be there for us even though dad was no more. But he was gone too. We were still wrapping our head around that when grandma (mummy’s mom) left us to a severe heart condition that had undergone several treatment all to no avail. That was the last straw. We were all in a daze, walking like zombies without any destination and feeling nothing. It hit me so hard when i realized that my mom was not just a widow but an orphan and i and my brother had no one we could call our parent except mom.
It was like every time we woke up there was a sad news waiting to be shared or anytime we pick up the phone there was someone at the other end waiting to give us some terrible news or there was a bomb waiting to explode or a picture waiting to fall flat on the ground.
It was horrible. We went from crying to weeping to mourning, from one burial arrangement to another, from one funeral to another funeral. It was a roller coaster of grief.
After the third loss every call i received i would silently ask in my mind “Who died again?” Expecting to hear that someone had died because that was what life presented to me and the only news i was accustomed to hearing. I had no tears to cry and no hope for the future because the hard truth was that “Death had come into my house and had refused leaving”
That unwanted guest became comfortable in my family and felt like a special guest.
Did we pray? Yes
Did we fast? Yes
Did we sing hymn? Yes
Did we sing praises? Yes
What sin did my family ever commit to get such a great punishment?
What mistake did i ever do to deserve a worst treatment like that?
There was no answer to all my questions. No hope. No light. No remedy for my pain and no comfort for my restlessness.
I got angry. I became so angry. Who is that piece of sh*t that, that unwanted bastard, that fool that can come into my family and take the lives of the ones who he never even created? He was nobody so how dare he…
My anger grew like fire and hot tears began to roll down my eyes. Tears of hidden pain, tears of pent up frustration, tears of anger towards my situation, tears of all our grief and suffering. Who is he to take away my joy and peace?
Then i rose up to my feet, with the anger in my mind, the emotions in my heart, the tears in my heart , my new found strength of God in me and the realization and Satan is nothing and God is everything since God is all powerful and I’ve got that authority in me to command what i want I screamed loudly with my eyes shut and my hands in fist. Then i screamed the words that came out of my mouth
” The earth is the lords and the fullness thereof. The world and they that dwell therein. For he hath founded it upon the seas and established it upon the floods. Who shall ascend into the hill of the lord and who shall stand in his holy place? He that hath clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lifted up his soul unto vanity nor swore deceitfully, he shall receive a blessing from the lord and righteousness from the God of his salvation. This is the generation of the earth, they seek him, they seek thy face, o Jacob. Lift up your heads oh ye gates and be ye lifted up her everlasting doors that the king of glory shall come in. Who is this king of glory? The lord strong and mighty. The lord mighty in battle. Lift up your heads oh ye gates and be ye lifted up her everlasting doors that the king of glory shall come in” .
Exactly psalm 24.
Then i rushed to the door opened it screaming
“Satan you have no place in my house…Get out!! Death you have no place in my family…Get out!! Enough is Enough! You are only a powerless bastard so get out. God dwells in this house. The king of glory is in this place so in the name of Jesus; out!” I banged the door closed.
I stood there trying to catch my breath, then suddenly i started laughing, laughing so hard that i couldn’t stop my self. It was ridiculous given the seriousness of everything but that laughter was an indication that subconsciously i knew the battle had been won. My restoration was near.
Walking last evening, i looked up to the sky a lone tear fell from my face. I was grateful to God for everything i had faced and everything he had restored back into my life since the passing of almost all my family members. But i was also crying because, for the past few days I’ve been burdened by a particular situation. The loss and the punishment a young man and a young lady’s family are presently facing in the estate i reside in.
This young lady lived in her hometown with her family and she was in a serious relationship with a guy who wanted to marry her. They held their introduction successfully and both families finalized and fixed a date in September for the traditional/cultural wedding according to their customs. Since it was a little far she decided to come to the city and work with her aunty to help support her family for the wedding plans. Back to the city she joined her aunty at her fast food and started working.
One night before closing hours she was sent to buy a new pack of saviete to prepare them for the next morning meal. She walked to the super store right behind the fast food, so with the saviete in her hand afterwards she was walking right back to the fast food to drop it and grab her things to go back home when the minute she stepped out of the gate and walked by the corner of the gate it…
He was a relentless hardworking guy. I saw him grow from a simple guy to a successful young man. He took up little jobs at first to put food on the table, years later he decided to learn a skill. Hair dressing. He trained at a saloon for years until he finally mastered the art of hair making, hair stylist and skin beauty.
After years of sweat, hardwork and determination he finally opened his own beauty saloon. There he showed the world his flexible hands and skill through the transformation he made in ladies hair and facial make up. It was extraordinary. And now he’s the best beauty stylist in our area. Over the years he’s trained dozens of young boys and girls and empowering them that they too can be the Boss they want to be.
That faithful day he noticed his car had a little problem so he made a mental note to drive it back home and call the mechanic to fix it since his saloon was directly opposite the estate where he lives. It wouldn’t be no problem at all. After he closed he drove slowly , turned at the junction and headed towards the estate gate. He stopped and waited for the coming cars to pass before going in, and when it was clear for him to go in, he released the gear and instead of the car going slowly it accerelated into a full blown speed, he was frantic and tried everything he could but nothing was working, suddenly the car moved with such uncontrollable speed and “Boooom”, it hit the corner of the gate together with the bright innocent girl just returning from buying a pack of saviete. Immediately an earth breaking scream was released. The scene was total mayhem; the gushing of the blood of the girl on the ground, the bricks falling from the wall, the tears in everyone’s eyes and the shock on his face. It was a terrible accident.
She died on transit to the federal hospital and he was arrested, presently in police custody.
A girl died and he was the reason or if i may say; the devil was the reason.
Death stood in the way
Who would have thought that her life would be snatched away from her family and who would have thought that his freedom and zeal to live would be snatched away from him.
The parents of this girl are in constant mourning with no hope, no joy, only grief.
This guy is in major shock and stricken with guilt. All he does in jail is stare at space and keep mumbling “I killed someone, i killed someone” repeatedly. He’s become a living corpse neither eating nor drinking. And by law who knows what his fate may be? Even though it was an accident. It was evident that he was loosing his mental sanity.
Everyday i weep. I weep for the family who lost their daughter, for the man who lost his fiancee and for the man who lost his freedom and maybe his sanity to an accident he had no control of. Its painful and its heartbreaking and I’m burdened with this because i knew how great they both were and i know that they didn’t deserve this.
Has the devil not stolen enough? Hasn’t he killed enough? Hasn’t he destroyed enough already? He has and i refuse to sit back and watch him do the same over and over again. I became angry just like i was when the enemy took almost every family member i had. I became angry and that was when i wedged war against the darkness, against the devil. Its warfare and in my personal warfare God gave me victory and this time I’m sure he’ll do the same.
Its easter Friday and its the death and the resurrection of Jesus Christ. His word said in John 10:10
“The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; i have come that they may have life and have it in abundance”
So no more loss or death for his children. The grave could not hold him so nothing can hold this family’s joy. Nothing can hold this guy’s freedom and peace. Nothing!
I pray that his mercy envelopes this man, that God’s mercy will speak for him even when the law will speak against him.
Join me and earnestly pray for the Restoration of everything they’ve lost. All their hope, faith, freedom and joy and everything the enemy has taken from them. I believe that the joining of our hands, voices and prayers in agreement is what would give us a resounding victory and that victory would manifest in our individual life and situations as well.
Jeremiah 32:27 says
“Behold i am the lord your God. Is there anything too hard for me to do…?”
Let God answer his question in this situation and every situation surrounding us and let the testimony be ours to proclaim.
What are your thoughts on this and would you join me and pray in this two days of warfare?
Drop your response in the comment section. Happy easter family. I love you but God loves you more.