Self destructive behavior is the act of hurting yourself. Applying pain, hurt and suffering to yourself is a self destructive behavior. Self destructiveness is the…
I sat on my bed that morning with a cup of tea in my hand. My mouth was drinking it and savouring its sweet and warm taste but my mind was somewhere else. My thoughts kept drifting towards different direction and occurrences that made me smile, laugh, cry and fear. But it remained on one. A not so funny incidence i hated so much but refused to reminisce about. But now my mind wanted to replay it over and over again.
It made me wonder why i couldn’t do any thing to two little girls that hurled insults at me because they felt they could, rolled their eyes all over me because maybe they felt i was nothing compared to them and eventually embarrassed me with their downgrading words because they thought i was not of the same standard or status with them. When i played all this over and over again i wondered why i couldn’t give them a befitting reply. It was unlike me . I’m always a straight and direct person who never hesitates to voice out my thoughts and opinions but at that time i couldn’t do anything. Was i too shocked that girls i was much older than would talk back at me with so much lack of respect? Or was i too weak and powerless to do anything? That was not the end after all. An opportunity came and the sad part was that i didn’t use it.
When we met again by chance, this time i had the upper hand. I wanted to teach them a lesson. I wanted to teach them how teenagers should talk. I wanted to let them know that they were nothing but mere little dolls that had no sense and maybe give them a knock on their heads to reset their mentality, instead the opposite happened. I just smiled and said ‘Hello!, how’s everything?’ When they replied i finally said ‘Bye’. Just like that…really? I couldn’t believe myself. A while ago i was frustrated about not doing anything but now i was smiling at them. I still question myself why they should be the one to go free. They were in the wrong so they should be punished. I was at the right side but i had to receive the insult and suffer the humiliation with a smile and live with it.
Its also the same thing in a relationship, where after the man has given his time , investment, emotions to his partner. And suddenly she chooses to disappear with one sentence ‘i cant do this anymore’. Who knew it was that simple. Years of emotions, time, dreams all done and dusted and the one who leaves gets to go as she pleases while the one who remains is left with the memories that keep hunting him and the pain too big a burden to bear.
Why do they just go free? Why do the victims have to suffer because of the pain they inflict? The worst part is the frustration of not been able to pay them back or teach them a lesson for their wrongdoing.
The answer to my question came that morning. This young man was kind, brave, wise and also small, yet he was set on a mission at that young age. His responsibilities were so enormous that he had to focus on them and carry them out. He was successful in his missions and always attained victory after great difficulty, which made the king promote him and give him a higher rank in the army. No one Knew the difficulty he faced, the hardship he endured because he always came back victorious and this made the whole kingdom sing his praises. His name was on the lips of every person in the kingdom. Unknown to him one person became very afraid of his success. The king! The king became afraid that everyone loved this boy and talked good about all the great things he had achieved and no one even talked about him or even remembered him anymore. Even though he was their king. This fear turned into envy, then it turned into hatred and eventually became a poisonous venom that filled the kings mind. So instead of sending this boy on missions that would benefit the land, he sent him on missions that would bring his death. When the boy found out that the king was after his life he was scared, so scared that he ran, ran far away from the eyes and ears of the king because he knew that the most powerful man in their nation wanted him dead.
Sometimes he was without food and water yet he still was in hiding. Whenever he somehow knew that the king had found his hiding place, he would leave there and run to some other place to hide. More than once he had a close call to being found but somehow he was saved and wasn’t found out.
He was at a place called Em Gedi, he and his men were there, they were tired of running but they were still scared of what would happen if the king saw them. They always slept far back into the caves and on this day they heard noises. He asked his men to stay quietly while he goes and figure out the cause of the noise.
* * *
“He is on the desert of End Gedi” one of the kings servant informed him. So he took three thousand men and set out to find him. On their way the king stopped to relieve himself so he went into the cave to do just that.
He walked silently and hid at the corner to find out where the noise was coming from. It was then he saw the back of his robe, it felt so shockingly familiar. It was the king! The king was standing right before him relieving himself not knowing that the boy he sought after was right behind him. Suddenly his face changed from shock to anger. Angry at this man for punishing him for no reason, for making him run till he had no strength and for trying to kill him even after everything he had done for him and his kingdom. Yes he wanted to pay him back. He wanted to inflict the same punishment on him. He moved closer unnoticed, creped quietly, bent and quickly cut the conner of his robe.
Afterwards he went inside. He was conscience-stricken for having cut off the corner of this robe. He was the king so how could he do such a thing. He knew he deserved to die but he just couldn’t do it. It felt wrong. So he rebuked his men and did not allow any of them to kill him. The king left the cave and went his way. Then the young lad ran out and called out to the king.
“My king!” When the king looked behind him. He bowed down before the king with his face on the ground. He said to the king, “Why do you listen when others say I’m bent on harming you, this day you have seen with your eyes how the lord gave you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you but i spared you; i said i will not lay my hand on my lord and king because he is the lords anointed. Look at this piece of your robe in my hand. I cut off the corner of your robe but did not kill you. There is nothing in my hand to indicate that i am guilty of wrongdoing or rebellion. I have not wronged you but you are hunting me down to take my life. May the lord judge between me and you. And may the lord avenge the wrong you have done to me but i will not touch you. As the saying goes “From evil doers come evil deed”. So my hand will not touch you”.
When he finished saying this the king asked “Is that you David my son? And he wept aloud. “you have treated me well but i have treated badly. you have just told me the good you did for me; the lord gave me into your hand but you did not kill me. When a man finds his enemy, does he let him go away unharmed? May the lord reward you well for the way you’ve treated me today”.
So he gave his oat to the king and the king returned home, but he and his men went up to the stronghold.
That was it. The crossroad. The crossroad of going all in or taking a step back. I mean, he was presented with a grand opportunity to strike back but his hand got stuck in the air, he couldn’t do it. Why? The answer was in that saying “from evil doers come evil deeds”. He was just a good and kind young man so how could evil come out of him unless he allowed it. We cant take away darkness with darkness. Only light can eradicate darkness. When you pay back you are no different from the one who paid first.
No Matter how justified your reasons may be, revenge or payback can never be the solution because you are who you are and the one who watches all things and has the power of the world would stand in the gap for you. You can teach them a lesson by being kind, good and gentle and above all wise. But not by paying back word for word, action for action. It’s insane and terrible. There’s no need to dirty your hands. No need to stress your mind in how to exact your revenge because the truth is the punishment eventually comes. They always get the taste of their action somehow sometime.
Maybe you don’t know how the king died. But let me quench your curiosity. The king committed suicide. He killed himself. So how’s that for revenge?
Still holding my cup of tea. I noticed the tea had gone cold. I smiled, i guess my mind and the story didn’t let me pay attention to my tea. But I’m still glad because this year has so much in store for us. Let us choose to spread love, peace, kindness and generosity because that is what is paramount. Letting go of the frustration, pain, disappointment, betrayal and negativity and enjoying every little moment of happiness in lots and loads of laughter.
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